Questions to ChaCha

I am a girl. Will I grow a penis,
—-if I eat mushrooms?
Is it bad for the baby to quit
—-smoking cold turkey?
What household pills and things can you mix
—-to make me just not care?
What religion do you think is just plain dumb?
Why do Pentecostal men not believe
—-in wearing shorts?
Are Italians and white people a different race?
What country do shit-zoo puppies come from?
If a woman does not have a menstrual period,
—-would she be allowed to be in combat arms?
Did George Clinton’s Vice President
—-win an Oscar?
Is it true that whiskey tends to bring
—-out the anger in people?
Is it normal for a large, thirty-six year old
—-man to be in love
——–with Miley Cyrus?
Did Jim Morrison’s penis “explode?”
Does Reba McEntire have AIDS?
Can I Saran-Wrap herpes and be safe?
What’s the best way to get mentally prepared
—-for a wrestling match
——–so you kill your opponent?
If Brock Lesnar was my brother, what would he say
—-if he seen me punching
——–everything, yelling and crying
—-about everything because I
——–got dumped? What would Brock Lesnar say?
What are some dramatic girl movies? Like for example
—-Mean Girls, cause I wanna watch a movie like that,
——–with three popular girls with like, Lindsay Lohan,
—-it doesn’t have to be Lindsay Lohan,
——–I just really want to watch a movie like that,
————with high school.
Is it reasonable to expect a blowjob from your wife
—-when she works six days a week
——–and just did that
————a few days ago?
How much will you get if you sell your baby
—-on the black market in Africa?
How many glasses of wine can you have until you cannot
—-drive home at age forty-five?

Johnny Chinnici is an MFA candidate in poetry at The New School in New York. He has previously been featured in The Best American Poetry Blog, North Texas Review and elsewhere. He maintains a blog on the baseball culture and tends house for his wife and elderly guinea pig.

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